i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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