Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
