She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
