I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
