Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize