I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He? As in you personified your dick?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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