A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
