i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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