You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
