Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize