sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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