my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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