Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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