Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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