I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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