just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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