He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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