Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
