he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
