do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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