I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
