should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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