textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
