We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
