u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize