I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
