Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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