make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
