apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
