so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
