i think my tv is drunk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
