Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
