But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
