Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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