when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
