dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
