I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
