How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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