party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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