Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
