you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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