My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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