we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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