my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
now i know why i became what i already was.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
