turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
