my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
