that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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