It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there's paper in my vomit.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize