went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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