i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize