Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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