Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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