dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
