i need an iv and a liver transplant
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
