and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
