she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
