I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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