We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His hands were made for my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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