So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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