Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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