I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
