At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
