She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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