3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
