I wish my penis had an off switch
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
