my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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