who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
