More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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