dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
