I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
