i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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