it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
