It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
