Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
