Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
