Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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