If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
