I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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