Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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