Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
