They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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