I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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